u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
