the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
