You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
