Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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