her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
