You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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