try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
