I love black thongs
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
