you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
