Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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