You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
