I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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