Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
