I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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