I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
