in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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