she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
