I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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