my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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