So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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