We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
