The best revenge is premature balding
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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