I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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