Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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