Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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