tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
