mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
As shirtless as possible
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
