not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
