Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
