There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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