The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
