He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
