I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
