I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
