I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it's like iHOP with fire
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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