Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My breasts were aching with rage.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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