It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
