For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
