Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize