i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
