Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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