ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
