They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
