dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
