Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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