I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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