best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
