I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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