the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
