we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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