I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
