Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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