Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
