I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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