well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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