Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(229): View more from Georgia

my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."

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(313): View more from Michigan

I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina

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(586): View more from Michigan

I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.

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(727): View more from Florida

idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text

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(225): View more from Louisiana

the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...

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(512): View more from Texas

the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.

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