You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So many bounce houses so little time
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
