It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
