May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
