So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
