she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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