dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
